STAR Anxiety

HEAD

Working through the states and stages of anxiety provided by recovery. Focusing on something productive, placing motivation in production rather than allowing the anxious energy to consume.

HEART

Subconsciously providing the format to literally lean into the sharp edges of pain associated with the STAR trauma recovery programme.

HANDS

Ink sprayed paper cut, snowflake fold style. Plastered drawing with sparkled vinyl. Splattered metallic self care additions. Pointed highlights of plastic diamonds to lean into the sharp edges of pain.

Happy Bubble

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head

Despite the spherical nature of a bubble this needed to be a 2D surface on the inside of the bubble. The surface tension offering an element of security to maintain cohesion behind.

heart

Capturing the few moments when there is nothing but a swell of joy, peace and pride in my being. The visualisation that reinforces my loving kindness meditations and on occasion, extends over others for protection.

hands

Using strips already cut of iridescent contact, glitter vinyl, elements of splatter work, translucent ribbon and silver backed paper. Significantly extended process due to requiring the right mood to create such a positive work.

Material Mood Board

The time needed for me to adjust, be in the right mental and emotional place to make this work has been significantly extended.

Night Viewing

Low light to enhance the colours

Mental Web

Material Testing

Watercolour pens (dry on dry), gel pens, layering

PUSHING BOUNDARIES

Adding water to watercolour pens, laying with contact then adding permanent marker

head

The unintentional visual representation of the layers of cognitive chaos in my mind. How many voices can there be at once? How many are true? If I am not my thoughts, actions, emotions then what am I? my soul… which voice is that?

heart

Wrapped tightly in layers of cling wrap, suffocating, distorting, constricting. No wonder I have no idea what I feel if this is the obstacle between us.

hands

Extended colouring process. Watercolour pens, begun as a student example, matched with coloured pastel gel pens then layered with contact and permanent marker lines.

Ordering Chaos

Head

I was mute throughout the first watercolour session, focusing all I had on on expressive colour and texture. The interplay of light, metallic paint, glitter combined as I then made consecutive decisions as appropriate within the staggered timeline.

Heart

The immense discomfort and dis-ease in not being able to use self destructive coping mechanisms drove this work. Ironically only able to be worked on when feeling more personally secure. There was a strong need to produce straight cuts and to order the colours to engage the dopamine hit usually reserved for destructive release.

Hands

Intuition and material interactions led this project. Working with what I was physically and mentally able to. Overall process extended over a mont. Beginning with the watercolour, adding glitter, cutting the work to the correct size and angles before dividing, ordering and finally arranging them in the deco inspired pattern.

Session one

Metallic watercolour paints - wet on dry

Glitter

Gifted glitter that magically matched!

Angles

Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Happy Shield

Head

Self compassion seems to be the recurring answer to ongoing healing… but what does that look like? I have my happy bubble but it needs reinforcing- I need a shield.

Heart

I don’t have it in me to create and hold my own self compassion, yet I have the ability to offer it to others. Perhaps I can create us both a shield.

Hands

Utilising the side panel of the happy bubble work. Backed wit iridescent contact/vinyl, echoing the lines already used in the large shield work but with wonderfully tacky adhesive diamond strips.

AT Logo

Head

Teaching example, aid for pace and perfect imperfection of idea generation- just getting it onto the page. Perfect analogy for releasing emotion through the creative process.

heart

Holding onto the glimmer of hope for a future of balanced work/life. Finally able to acknowledge pride of potential shining through.

hands

A dozen initial pen sketches as student example. Enjoying the motion visible. Adobe illustrator refinement from ink based pen tools, experimenting with colour for aesthetic appeal.

Perfectly imperfect

Idea generation, concept development without fear.

Mushrooms

Head

For the times you need a break from the intensity of life and treatment. I am finally learning the value of rest and a reduced pace.

heart

After addressing highly emotive, serious content for weeks it was time to let some lighthearted content flow. Sometimes you need to giggle!

hands

3 session creation- first: in group, sourcing/cutting/arranging imagery from fungi book and googley eyes. Second: in hospital room arranging on page and sticking central elements. Third: in room, finalising edges, eyes and installed on door to share the giggles!

Pain Shards

Head

I am here. You can’t ignore me anymore. I can’t be suppressed. This is pain. This is discomfort. This is agitation. This is vulnerability.

Heart

Lean into all the pointy bits, learn how to feel the pain. What you resist persists so do I dare let myself feel it for fear of shattering into shards myself?

Hands

The process was heavily content driven. The recurring symbol of shattered, shards of pain explored in multiple contexts. Paper cutter used to create strips of vinyl then plastered onto the canvas in hopes of bringing it together for healing to occur.

Destructive/Constructive Coping Collage

SCALE

Utilising the entirety of the space offered. There is no other way to effectively communicate the intensity of the suppressed pain.

DIVISION

Large, straight scars on the canvas. Echoing the cuts that would otherwise be slashed across the composition.

WHOLEMEAL PAPER COLLAGE

Wet, crumpled, dried, wholemeal paper with the perfect texture needed to play with the light and build the uneven surface.

INKS

Ink spray, blacks and reds, cathartic and expressive of the usual self destruction.

WATER

Conducive element tying the water soluble graphite, water treated paper, inks and watered down acrylic paints.

Head

Desperate to do something cathartic and productive with this energy. Art therapy to channel the dis-ease, the anxiety buzz, made worse by being trapped in hospital. There’s nothing like med changes to make life harder. The cognitive dissonance of needing but not feelike like you deserve life saving medicine is an ongoing trap.

Heart

Ripping, tearing, spraying ink, making mess, ordering the chaost physically if not mentally.

Hands

The process was heavily material driven. Scale was the major concern. This work needed to come from the shoulder rotation rather than the wrist, a 2.5m work for 30 yrs worth of self destructive coping with pain.

Grief Painting

Cathartic process

Loud emotive music, leaning into the wall with all my physical and emotional weight. Crying into the plaster. Base of textured water soluble graphite.

timeline

Inclusion of two key periods of pain. Being ripped from childhood and the destruction of an abusive marriage

raining pain

Textured, layered, overwhelming, overriding. The current experience after the historical experiences,

personal pain

Acknowledging numerous complex layers of the authentic experience

Head

I am here. I can not be ignored any longer. You have to see me. You have to hear me. I have held such pain for a lifetime.

Heart

It felt like a leaking soul. The grief is escaping through the cracks, it began I didn’t trust it would stop.

Hands

The process was heavily material driven. Scale was the major concern. This work needed to come from the shoulder rotation rather than the wrist, a 2.5m work for 30 yrs worth of grief. All brushes used were just not right, this is a work that needed to be done with my hands, have my literal fingerprints in it.